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Living without sex?

No Sex

Chemistry between two people is the first thing taken for granted in a love affair. But what happens when it starts wearing out as time passes?

By Anna Vorgia

Chemistry, sexual attraction, passion provide evidence upon which a love affair is based and distinguishes from friendship. This is what our experts assert. We could say that a love couple are two good friends who have common interests and spend time together, except that they feel like having sexual contacts. Even when passion gives its place to love, understanding and companionship or to trust and respect, the sexual life of a couple is important to be healthy in order to keep the sexual relationship going. When the couple begins to lose their sexual desire for one another especially in a long-term relationship or marriage (which at times can happen to all couples), the aim is to revive the sexual desire and bring sex to the front line of the couple’s interest again. Let’s see how.

How much sex is needed?

What concerns most of the people is when it is evident that there is a problem in the sexual life of a long-lived couple. In an overall assessment, about a sexual contact once a week is the lowest frequency limit of normal contacts, although this will vary according to the circumstances. Often as the years pass passion decreases or sexual life is affected by external factors (economic problems, professional problems, serious illness in the family, etc.) and the everyday life conditions (children, obligations, etc.). These are to be expected. The problem begins, as experts explain, when the sexual desire of a partner is not reciprocated. In this case, uncertainty is caused between the partners about love, desire, faith and their commitment to their relationship and family.

Bringing sex back to our lives

What is important to know is that if there are no serious problems and our past sexual relationship with our partner was satisfactory, then we can bring it back. A good start is to go back to the time when we met, fell in love and felt mutual desire and attraction for one another and try, without anger and tension, to remind our partner of those wonderful moments. Let us remind to ourselves how well we were looking after our appearance, how impatiently we were looking forward to being together with one another, how we were making plans for trips, for romantic dinners as well as how we were sending love letters or messages and let’s put aside the routine and responsibilities of everyday life, in order to gain as much inspiration as we can from that period. You may need to try hard, but it’s worth it. We will stimulate our confidence if we really take good care of ourselves and by doing so, our partner will recover his own, especially if we show to him again how much we love him and how important he is to us.
Also, our sexual desire and enthusiasm will be revived and stimulated if we date him, if we create romantic conditions (like arranging for a night home without children), if we come closer (dancing could be a good idea) and, above all, if we avoid discussions for children and daily issues in the bedroom. Most important of all is to identify the problem and discuss it without accusing one another, expressing aphorisms and generalizations. The effective communication with our partner is likely to reveal insecurities and fears, which we had not even imagined, that affect the desire and the performance of our partner and, inevitably our sex life. But again, if we feel that with discussion alone we can’t solve and overcome the problems that trouble us, then it is imperative to ask for the help of a specialist. Furthermore, individual or couple psychotherapy, can help restore erectile and sexual function and ultimately improve the sexual relationship of the couple.

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